Full House Season 1, Episode 5: Sea Cruise

Why did DJ and Stephanie barely appear in the episode?
 Mousse budget overrun.

The guys are hanging out in the livingroom watching Michelle walk when DJ and Stephanie come down the stairs dressed in honeybee costumes. Apparently the Honeybees is like a Girl Scouts organization. The details are shady, but it looks like "Grandma" is picking the girls up and driving them to some overnight event. This scene has so many bee puns that I break into hives. "Grandma" honks her horn outside and none of the guys go out to greet her, they just hand Michelle over to the girls and send them on their way.

Danny points out that for once there are no children in the house. Party time! Jesse and Joey want to go out and meet women. Danny says he's not sure how he feels about that, and suggests they do some male bonding activity instead. Jesse and Joey look less than thrilled at the prospect. Danny says he's not ready to meet women since his wife has only been dead for five months. How dumb are Jesse and Joey? In the end, they begrudgingly agree to do whatever Danny wants...which turns out to be chartering a boat and going fishing.

Later, the guys are about to leave when the phone rings. Turns out it's Roxanne - a rock star that Jesse used to date before she became famous. She wants to see Jesse that very night, which Jesse almost agrees to until Danny pleads "guys' night out." Jesse bluffs that he's going to a big party on a boat called Neptune's Bride and he'll call Roxanne tomorrow.

The guys arrive on the boat, calling for Captain Jack. Turns out he's dead (or retired - I was looking for my slipper and missed the details) and his granddaughter Caroline is now the captain. Just as Danny is saying it's no big deal, they'll still have their male bonding time...Roxanne and her two back-up dancers, Yvonne and Vega, arrive with teased hair and pleather, snakeskin, and gold lamé dresses. The guys don't immediately burst out laughing at the women's get-ups, which is the opposite of how I reacted. Then I remember this show started in the '80s, so when the script said "hot lady rock stars show up...with sexy results" this is what the wardrobe department came up with and nobody batted an eye. Jesse and Joey start salivating and invite the ladies onto the boat, to Danny's chagrin.

On the boat, Jesse and Joey laugh it up and drink with the ladies. Danny reminds the guys they're there to fish and starts handing out equipment. Roxanne disses Jesse's pole, but he still makes out with her. Joey and Danny creep up on them and sing the Love Boat theme song. Joey is trying to woo both Yvonne and Vega, but when he puts his arms around them they leave to barf because they're "seasick." Just like how when I throw my slipper at the TV whenever Joey's onscreen, I tell my companion it's because there's "a fly there."

Later, everyone but Danny is having great luck at fishing. Even though the writers already met their song per episode quota, everyone breaks out into "Rockin' Robin." Except Caroline, who stands way in the back and sways in her pink sweatshirt. The guys throw dead fish back into the water as part of their choreography, which seems pretty wasteful to me. After the song, Danny falls overboard and the other guys have to go get him.

Now it's morning and Joey is in the kitchen serving everyone the fish he caught. Yvonne and Vega decide to go back to their hotel. Roxanne asks Jesse to come on the road with her. Not as a band member though - just to be with her. Jesse gets way insulted and picks a fight with Roxanne while Joey eavesdrops.

In the kitchen, Caroline links arms with Danny and offers to make him dinner. Danny gets really uncomfortable and brushes her off, but Caroline cannot take a hint and embarrasses herself by continuing to insist they go on a date. Danny loses his cool and tells Caroline the night was a mistake and she has to leave. Again, Joey eavesdrops. Danny walks Caroline out into the livingroom, where Jesse moves to throw Roxanne out of the house. Joey calls a time-out and asks Jesse and Danny to come to the kitchen for a talk.

Joey tells them they're being stupid. Jesse admits that he has an attitude because Roxanne's successful and he's not. Joey relates and says they'll both make it if they just hang in there. Joey then tells Danny his real problem is that he likes Caroline. Danny admits as much and, as the string orchestra gets going, says everything's been hard and confusing since his wife died. Joey tells the guys not to push the women away because they'd be throwing away potentially great friendships. Hugs all around! Danny is thrilled that the guys got in some male bonding after all.

Danny asks Caroline for a word. I can't believe she hasn't already left! Danny apologizes and we find out that Caroline is aware that Danny's wife died recently. And she still pestered him for a date the way she did? Danny tells her he's not ready to date just yet, but asks if they can be friends. Caroline says yes and throws her arms around him for a big, long hug, even laying her head against his chest and rocking back and forth. Caroline, have some dignity.

Back in the livingroom, Jesse apologizes for acting a fool, and Roxanne tells him his time for fame will come. DJ and Stephanie come in to close the episode and don't react at all to Roxanne or her crazy get-up. I guess this isn't the first time they've seen one of Jesse's "special friends."

**

Awards for legitimately funny lines go to: We finally have two winners from the same scene! The first is when Jesse gets the phone from Joey and says to Roxanne: "I'm sorry, that was Joey. He was raised by a family of really stupid wolves." Then, it's all in the delivery when, after Jesse bluffs to Roxanne that his "music's going really well," Joey loudly says: "That's great! You told me you couldn't even find a job."

Unintentionally hilarious line: Jesse's sadsack delivery of "I promised myself by the time I was 24, I'm going to have a record deal. I'm 24 and a half."

Line that generated the biggest eyeroll: After Joey's speech to the guys. "Joey, where is this coming from?" "From my heart."

First appearance of: Michelle on two feet.

Episode rating: I would say this is the first half decent episode of the series (though my standards are very low). I give it 2.75 out of 5 velcro honeybee stingers.

Photo source:  imdb.com