This episode holds the title for Most Boring Ever.
Danny is putting Michelle to bed, conveniently telling her he'll be on live television tonight to cover The Big Fight. Downstairs, Jesse is composing music to go along with some shitty lyrics he wrote. Jesse starts playing his new tune for Danny, but turns out it's "On Top of Old Smoky," which Danny sings along to. Joey comes in and starts bugging Jesse until he has to leave the room to get away from him. Joey then acts normal for thirty seconds as he tells Danny's he's so proud of him about tonight - going from the local news to a coast-to-coast broadcast. Danny totally burns Joey's comedy career by saying: "One day, I won't be the only one who thinks you're funny." Danny, it's cruel to get Joey's hopes up.
DJ and Stephanie give Danny a tie to wear during the broadcast. Stephanie has an extra gift for him - a homemade tie tack that's the size of Danny's face. Jesse comes out with his new tune, but it's "This Land is Your Land." Pay attention, everyone - this is the moment where Jesse decides to stop writing his own music and start ripping off the Beach Boys.
Later, the girls make Jesse run around the kitchen gathering snacks to bring upstairs to watch the game. At one point, John Stamos almost wipes out but recovers nicely. What a pro. When he finally gets upstairs with all the snacks, the girls decide to watch downstairs. Joey needs Jesse in the nursery, where it seems Michelle is sick with a cough. They bring her downstairs with them to keep an eye on her. Danny appears on TV in the training room of Reggie "The Sandman" Martin, who's competing in the big fight tonight. In the interview, Sandman's all pumped up. Danny discreetly shows his tie tack to the screen and the family cheers. I can't snark on that because my own dad used to occasionally appear on local television and would always give us secret signals. Anyway, apparently Sandman hasn't seen his wife in three months because of his training. Danny accidentally spills that Sandman's wife has left him, which Sandman doesn't know (though his coach does). Sandman starts to cry and refuses to fight, but his coach drags him to the ring. Danny throws it to commercial.
Michelle's cough is getting serious so Joey calls her doctor. Turns out it's just a cold and Michelle needs her medicine from the last time she had a cough. Michelle won't take her medicine no matter what the guys try. Meanwhile, Danny's back on tv - Sandman was K.O.'ed after a couple of minutes. Other reporters swarm Danny and ask him questions about how he ruined Sandman's career. Danny walks into the training room to apologize to Sandman, camera in tow. Sandman actually thanks Danny for telling him and fires his coach for keeping it a secret. The coach yells at Danny and punches him, but recoils in pain because he hit the tie tack. Danny thanks Stephanie. I'm so bored I throw my slipper at the tv even though Joey's not onscreen.
Michelle finally takes her medicine after Jesse yells at her a bit. Later, Danny comes home and collapses on the couch, depressed about his horrible interview. When he hears Michelle is sick, he freaks. Upstairs, Jesse is singing to Michelle in front of a humidifier. Danny comes in and, for once, he's impressed with how Joey and Jesse handled the situation.
Downstairs, the guys are drinking mugs of soup or hot toddies. Danny thanks the guys for looking after Michelle so well. He talks about how down he was when he came home, but then hearing Michelle was sick made him realize what's really important. Of course, Joey brings up the interview and Danny feels bad all over again. Joey gives him a pep talk, telling Danny to learn from his mistakes so he'll do better next time. Joey also points out that he helped the Sandman - that people trust Danny because he's a good guy. Then Jesse and Joey just start making fun of Danny and slap him on the head as the show closes.
***
I am intrigued by: A framed drawing of a bunny that's hung in the upstairs hallway. Not a child's art project or anything, just...a bunny drawing. That someone hung. As art.
I am baffled at how: No matter which staircase the family takes upstairs, they appear at the same end of the hallway.
Episode rating: As you can see, this episode was so friggin' boring I became fixated on the upstairs hallway. 0 out of 5 teaspoons of baby cold medicine
Photo source: Ovguide.com
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