"Adrianna, meet Joey's pants."
The family is getting ready to go to Stephanie's ballet rehearsal. Like every episode, Joey is wearing a terrible outfit. His pleated khaki pants are hiked up to his waist, his shirt has palm trees on it, and he's wearing a clown tie. When Danny comes home from work, DJ reminds Danny they're going shopping for clothes after the recital. I hope Joey's invited. Jesse comes downstairs in his leather three-piece suit and bolo tie and insults Joey's outfit. Now, I would never interfere in any Joey-dissing, but between the outfit and his hair, Jesse looks like he's about to rip his pants off at an '80s-themed bachelorette party. And for once I don't mean that as a compliment.
An Italian lady named Adrianna rings the doorbell and runs into Jesse's arms. She is very pretty but needs a hot oil treatment yesterday. Apparently Jesse met Adrianna sky-diving and ran off to Rome with her. Joey admires Jesse's impulsiveness. The phone rings and Danny has one of those TV conversations where the person onscreen repeats everything the person on the phone says. Danny's station wants him to cover the game of the week that afternoon, which of course he can't turn down. Stephanie is bummed that her dad will miss her recital, but DJ cheers her up and reassures Danny that they can go shopping another time.
Out in the garage, Jesse and his lady friend are making out on his motorcycle when Joey creeps in and watches them. And Joey's allowed to roam free in the house because...? They continue to make out as Joey talks about making changes in his life - he wants more danger and excitement! Jesse tears himself away to give Joey some advice on how to be more edgy and says he'll help Joey be cool.
When Danny gets home from work, he says he's taking the girls shopping, but it turns out Jesse took care of it. He calls the girls down to model their clothes. The girls are pretty cute in the fashion show, I must admit. Danny mopes because nobody needs him anymore. That's not true, Danny - they need you to pay the mortgage! Next, Joey models his new threads. He's dressed just like Jesse - he has a red t-shirt, leather pants and a jacket, and a new attitude. After Michelle calls Jesse and then Joey "Dada," Danny freaks that he needs to spend more time with his daughters. He tells the girls it's Father-Daughter day and they are spending the whole day together.
Later in the garage, Jesse and Joey return from a motorcycle ride. Joey talks about having a religious experience on the bike. Jesse eventually agrees to let Joey take the motorcycle for a solo spin around the block. Joey's idea of acting cool and bad-ass is to call Jesse "dude" and say "radical." I would rate my second-hand embarrassment while watching this scene at a solid 9.
The next morning, Danny is videotaping the girls while they sleep, saying he wants to preserve their lives as much as possible. He announces he's not working that day, so it's Father-Daughter Day Part II. The phone rings and Jesse answers downstairs. As soon as he picks up, he yells at Joey for staying out all night with his motorcycle. Joey tells him not to have a cow, man, and hangs up. So...what was the point of his call?
That night, Joey finally rolls the bike back into the garage. Jesse has been hiding behind a giant Santa Claus decoration for god knows how long. He is really mad, chasing Joey around the garage and demanding an explanation. Joey tells a super believable story about what happened after he left the house on the bike. He met a lady dressed in red leather and drove off with her! Then they went gambling in a casino and he won 14,000 bucks...and they got married! Then they ran off to NYC and ended up on Broadway! I don't know what gave it away, but Jesse doesn't buy it. Joey actually met a woman that lives down the street and they hung out at her place playing Monopoly, and Joey fell asleep on her couch. I actually have trouble even believing that. Jesse forgives Joey and is glad he had a mini-adventure. Joey says he's still Joey, no matter how cool he tries to be. Emphasis on "tries."
Danny is tucking in the girls. DJ seems really fake when Danny prods her to say she had a nice day. Danny sends Stephanie out of the room so he can talk to DJ. DJ admits she was putting on an act for Stephanie. She says it's hard to be brave for Stephanie all the time, even though she was sad Danny had to miss the recital and shopping. Danny explains he can't be in two places at once - he has to work. DJ says she feels better and Danny promises to find more time for the girls.
Danny goes to tuck in Michelle, telling her this day was one of the best of his life. He says good night and she calls him "Dada", finally. Danny and Michelle do a freeze frame high-five! Ok, they don't, but it would only have enhanced the scene.
***
Award for legitimately funny line goes to: Jesse on Stephanie during the fashion show: "She's a nice kid, but she's got a back problem."
Line that generated the biggest eyeroll: DJ to Danny: "And anytime you want to see me, you can always pull me out of school. Especially if you want to see me during math class." Teehee, little girls in the audience, math is hard!
I am baffled by: Adrianna wearing a crop top, but adding leggings under her skirt. Is she only half-modest? Are the leggings attached to the skirt?
Episode rating: I firmly believe that the Joey character should only ever be seen serving drinks and dusting in the background. Any Joey-centric episode gets an automatic 0 out of 5 superfluous pairs of leggings
Photo source: veehd.com
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