Full House Season 1, Episode 8: Jesse's Girl

Surely her brain injury happened off-screen.

It's a dark and stormy night. Jesse comes downstairs into the living room brandishing a baseball bat. In the dark, he almost hits Joey with the bat...so close. The lights come on as Danny runs downstairs after hearing the guys scream. The girls also come down to check out the commotion. I notice Jesse's hair is extra fluffy in this scene; I wonder what his wig master's secret is. Jesse claims there's a prowler, but Joey tells them Jesse is really carrying a bat around because he's mad at Joey. Danny asks the guys to hug, but Jesse refuses and starts telling his story, claiming Joey stabbed him in the back. I notice that Joey's mannequin is, of course, wearing the same pajamas as Joey. Does Joey put pajamas on his mannequin even when he has a girl staying over? Oh, I'm being silly - as if that's ever happened.

Flashback flashback flashback. Last week, Jesse decided to start teaching guitar lessons. His first student, Corinna, arrives and her hair's even bigger than Jesse's. Jesse thinks she's pretty cute. He lays it on thick during the lesson, complimenting her smile and serenading her with an Elvis ballad. In addition to hitting on his client, he's also holding the lesson in his bedroom. Sounds like a legitimate business venture to me! After the lesson, Jesse invites Corinna out for a ride on his motorcycle and they spend the day together. After their date, which included a picnic by the bay and a candlelit dinner in wine country, Corinna confirms that she's coming over on Wednesday for her next lesson. Better start saving up, Jesse. Jesse kisses Corinna at the door, though she barely moves her lips at all and seems to be cringing away from him. The girls magically appear to say "Ewwwww" and cramp Jesse's style.

In the kitchen, Jesse tells Joey and Danny it was love at first sight. Danny says he felt the same way about his late wife, but Joey says love doesn't happen that fast. Jesse says he knows it's real because he can't stop smiling. Dissolve to the present. Jesse tells Joey to tell the rest of the story.

Flashback flashback flashback. It's a couple of days later and the family minus Jesse are getting ready to watch The Wizard of Oz. Corinna shows up for her lesson. Turns out Jesse is running late, so Corinna joins the gang for the movie. But, oh no - the cable has gone out. Joey happens to have a gigantic box of his props nearby, so he does his "The Wizard of Oz in 30 seconds" "comedy" "act." The less said about it, the better. The editors splice in some shots they found of Corinna laughing. Danny tells the girls it's time to put on their pajamas and get to bed, even though they were just about to sit down and watch a movie. Corinna and Joey chill on the couch. Corinna says a sense of humour is sexy and asks Joey out. She just called Joey sexy - I need a minute to dry heave. Ok. Joey finally clues in that Corinna is the woman Jesse is in love with. He goes into the kitchen to get away from her, but she follows him. He refers to Corinna as Jesse's girl and tells her that Jesse really is crazy about her. Corinna says there's nothing special between her and Jesse. Corinna plants one on Joey and they start making out. Corinna can kiss whomever she wants, and I don't know her life, but I think she needs to get out a little more if she's so smitten with Joey. Jesse comes in with a bouquet of flowers and catches the happy couple.

Jesse asks what's going on. Eventually, Joey admits they were kissing. Jesse tells Corinna he needs to speak with Joey. Corinna apologizes for causing trouble and leaves. I hope she didn't pay for her lesson in advance. Jesse chases Joey up the stairs. Hiding behind Michelle, Joey apologizes again and says he should have talked to Jesse, while Jesse says he fell in love with Corinna first. Joey says Corinna likes him more, which the world Jesse can't understand.

Back to the present. The girls go upstairs to bed. Danny wants the guy to work things out. He asks them basic questions about Corinna that the guys can't answer, showing they don't know her at all. Danny says he thinks they fell in love with the idea of love. Jesse goes all sadsack saying he wants to meet a special girl he can spend his life with. Danny tells him he doesn't have to try so hard. It's the string orchestra's time to shine! Danny says the right woman will come along and Jesse will know when it happens. Joey admits he went overboard and was just shocked Corinna actually liked him. Jesse tells him he shouldn't be shocked and admits Corinna likes Joey more than Jesse. Corinna shows up at the door again. What the hell time is it? Corinna says she doesn't want to mess up their friendship, which is why she came back to the house at probably 2 AM. Jesse tells Joey and Corinna they should be together. Joey and Corinna start making out and the girls magically appear again to say "Ewwww." And I'm saying it right along with them.

***

Moment that generated the biggest eyeroll: Oh, the entire episode.

First appearance of: Jesse's last name (for now), Cochrane

Only appearance of: Joey's true love Corinna, whom we never see again 

Episode rating: No one would accuse Full House of being a great show, but it definitely has more potential than this episode. Once again, I give this episode 0 out of 5 extra-fluffy Uncle Jesse mullets

Photo source:  stuffpoint.com