"Love me tender."
We open on the night before the first day of school. DJ and her friend Kimmy discuss where they'll sit in class, while Stephanie stresses over which outfit to wear for the first day of kindergarten. I try to remember if I stressed about clothing at her age; then I remember my twin and I just wore matching outfits our mom picked out for us. Jesse and Joey make an appearance and send Kimmy home. I wonder if we'll see that kid again? Michelle is covered in food and the guys have to give her a bath.
In the bathroom, Joey has drawn a bath and is standing in the tub wearing trunks, goggles, a swim cap, and a lifejacket. He takes care of the baby all day and he still has the energy for sight gags! Joey finds out he has been given the opportunity to go on stage that night in a prime slot to do his comedy act. Maybe somebody died. Later, the guys put a clean Michelle on the floor by herself while they soak in the tub and talk about their desires to entertain people. Danny walks in on Jesse singing "Love me Tender" to Joey in the bathtub. Well, Joey did seem entertained.
The next morning in the kitchen, Danny still can't get over the steamy scene he walked in on last night. The girls walk in and we find out no adult is accompanying Stephanie to her first day of kindergarten, which I find hard to believe. Danny videotapes the girls as they leave to catch the bus, with Jesse and Joey singing "Sunrise, Sunset." The studio audience goes nuts like it's never heard a song before and the girls leave without a word.
Uh oh! Stephanie comes back in to say she's not leaving. The guys try to comfort her as she talks about all the reasons she's afraid of kindergarten, and Danny finally offers to bring her to school. Jesse tells some story about an old girlfriend but I get distracted by his hair, wondering if it's a wig. When I watch the scene again, the story implies Jesse lost his virginity at age 14. Oh super, that's only four years away for little DJ!
At kindergarten, Danny tries to get Stephanie to play in the playground. As Michelle needs her diaper changed, Danny asks Stephanie to wait for him inside the class. She ventures in alone and sees Jesse sitting at a table doing arts and crafts. He tries to make Stephanie some friends by being obnoxious. One smart little girl starts blowing on her Stranger Danger whistle when Jesse approaches her, which is finally enough to attract the teacher's attention. Jesse claims to be Stephanie's father. As Jesse's an exterminator, the teacher asks him to kill a bug in the back room for free. How rude! She leaves the class unsupervised so that Joey can show up and start a game of Duck, Duck, Goose. When the teacher and Jesse interrupt him, Joey also claims to be Stephanie's father. Then Danny comes in and of course reveals the same. Jesse takes a cheap shot at Elizabeth Taylor, which is funny since they have the same hair.
Out in the playground, DJ is scaling the fence and Danny runs out to catch her. DJ explains that she was placed in the advanced class and she doesn't want to be with the geeks and apart from Kimmy. Danny tells her she has to try new things, because if she doesn't she'll never know what she's missing out on. Stephanie tries to sneak away too. DJ asks to speak to her sister alone and passes on Danny's advice, convincing Stephanie to go back to kindergarten. Stephanie joins her class and gives the thumbs up to the guys, who are totally loitering and drinking cartons of milk that are meant for the five-year-olds. Because these earlier episodes must always end on a song or dance number, the kids sing us out to "Itsy Bitsy Spider."
**
Award for legitimately funny line goes to: Still nothing. I'm curious to see which episode is the first to have one! Kimmy, don't let me down.
Line that generated the biggest eyeroll: DJ talking about being stuck in a class with all the smart kids. "I'm the only blonde."
First appearances of: Kimmy Gibler; Jesse's Elvis impression.
The Contrivance Award goes to: The premise that none of the guys arranged to bring Stephanie to school on her first day (in this family?!), but all happen to have clear schedules that morning as they separately arrive at the school to either give Stephanie a pep talk or make false paternity claims.
Episode rating: 1 out of 5 Jetsons lunchboxes.
Photo source: Ogvideo
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